Thursday, October 8, 2009

UFL Game #1 Las Vegas and California

With the 1st Qtr of the UFL in the books, here are 10 things about the UFL that I find problematic to downright offensive:

  • They are playing in a 98% empty stadium
  • All the team’s uniforms and helmets use the same 4-color color palate. It sounds novel and someone probably thought they were very cute when they came up with this-- but makes it really hard to tell the teams apart on the field. The longer this game goes on, the more I hate neon green, and neon blue.
  • The first down yellow line occasionally goes diagonally across the field
  • The sideline reporters are in a constant state of confusion
  • JP Losman is the league’s premier play and he also is in a constant state of confusion. He is a spaz.
  • They keep calling JP Losman-- JP Loews-man. Its freakin Loss-man people. Its very easy to remember. JP puts the Loss in Loss-man. BTW he is a fine garbage picker—Las Vegas should consider themselves lucky (assuming he keeps his starting job, because no starting job=no community service for JP)
  • The side judges and umpires make it look like a collection of renegade Tiger Woods clones have descended onto the field
  • They still air Brett Favre Wrangler commercials
  • The coaches all wear classic “fat old guy” shirts. Even worse Men’s Wearhouse™ pays actual US money to sponsor their outfits (and they sponsor field goals-YAK)
  • There are way too many former Buffalo Bills in this league. Could be a solid indication why the Bills haven’t made the playoffs in 9 years.
Mid-2nd Quarter Observations:
  • There is a distinct reason that first down markers, sideline yardmarkers and endzone markers are ORANGE and NOT GREEN at every other level of professional football. ITS BECAUSE THE FREAKING FIELD IS GREEN AND YOU CAN'T SEE SMALL GREEN MARKERS ON A GIANT GREEN FOOTBALL FIELD. Another case of someone being too cute for their own good.
  • They said they have mic'd Centers, Refs and Coaches, but I've yet to hear anything.
  • Kordell Stewart and Anita Marks promised me interviews as soon as a player scores a touchdown. I see a touchdown, but no interview. Have those two been fired already? If so, I'd understand.
  • It seems their biggest innovation is allowing (errrrrrrrrrrrrrr forcing) touchdown celebrations
OK now I'm really piling on...
  • They have an official UFL water and it is "alkaline water" like alkaline batteries. No thanks.
  • NOW WAIT A DAMN MINUTE--Their Commissioner just said there are 15,000 people there. Maybe 1,500.
  • And then Flutie asks their Commish: "Where did you learn your corner cutting methods" Nothing and I mean NOTHING means quality, value, and destined for success like Corner Cutting.
Wow, that Luvale Sape (another Bills draft pick that the UFL people are pronouncing his name completely differently than I've ever heard it) report from Anita Marks was the worst sideline report of all time. Paraphrasing (but not that much): He hurt his ankle, but he's from Samoa so his teammates made a Tsunami collection for him, but his family is fine, but they lost everything AND his ankle is hurt.

Fassell tells JP how to throw the football. Good to know.

Oh good, they still found a way to fit a pink ribbon on their already atrocious uniforms.

Flutie goes through some new-fangled UFL fumble rule. Refs ignore it. They just want to go home too.

Speaking of Dee Dee Dorsey. Isn't "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on right now. Yes it is. Sorry UFL I've seen enough.



  1. I thought it was a pretty well played game. It's not NFL caliber, so if that's what you're expecting in the 1st game of a new league, then feel free to keep your head stuck in your own ass. I agree about some points (especially Anita Marks... ugh), but I'm willing to give them a chance to prove themself first.

  2. Wow that sounds painful, I'm almost GLAD DirecTV doesnt carry Vs. Maybe folks should take up a collection to replace the hour of your life you lost watching that mess.

  3. Maybe the UFL should sign Doyle McPoyle (assuming his gun shot injury is healed).

  4. didn't hear anything? The on field mics were low but you can hear the coaches and players cursing during the entire five mintues I was watching it.